About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
