You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
