Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
