This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
