he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
