hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
