i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
you will always have a special place in my vag
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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