youre lurking in front of me
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
