Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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