You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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