apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
