OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
