I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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