I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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