this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
