I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
You just made me feel so damn special
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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