so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My penis needs a shock collar
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
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