last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
