So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
