Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
