You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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