didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
