ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
