You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
