sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
