Umm I'm too high to move.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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