so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Randomize
