Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
