On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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