OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
