Who did Billy Mays play for?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
