Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
i've created a new STD.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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