I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
