Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
