I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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