im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
is wine microwaveable?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Randomize
