You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
