The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
