I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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