I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
