I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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