best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
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