I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
