um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
