Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
