Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
