What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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