Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Randomize
