Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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