Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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