chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
