she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
