Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
you inspire me to be a worse person
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
