You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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