Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
