She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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