there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
