The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
