Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
