currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
