I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
