SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Randomize
