after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i believe in u and ur pee
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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