Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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