turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
