Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
