I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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