There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
