i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
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