2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Can you bring me the toilet please
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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