I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
