remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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