I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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