I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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