He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
