someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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